Saturday, May 16, 2009

Reckless all over again...

Reckless all over again..

What did I do when I happen to be in stress mood? Most time I like to do something out of my habit. Again, reckless happened to me. I felt stuck and I am suck! I hate this feeling. I felt helpless… no, better to choose hopeless. I don’t know why.

In that reckless day… I drove to Pasir Mas, I just thought to visit my grandmother and aunt there. Not a real visit actually but I need to drive, to drive away from my hopeless feeling (so I just gave my self a reason to drive north to use the highway). Half way in highway, I stopped my car. My mind worked out a bit, think it already 6.15p.m. It is not nice to visit at this time. At least, I need to come a bit early. Just listened to CD for a while.

I tuned the volume loud enough to deafen my own ears, not to mention other cars nearby when I stopped at traffic light. They must think’ what a crazy girl I am’. But I don’t care about people around me, I just sang along with the song. Well you know, listen to My Chemical Romance – Famous Last Words and Lee Ann Rimes – Life goes on, how these would deafen your ears.

I waited there, wait nothing actually with no purpose at all. I took a few pictures of the padi field. It looks nice green. Well it looks like 5 o’clock, but it actually already 6 something, it happened because of the summer season now. Not that Malaysia has a real summer but I hot and the sun still as it is at 5 o’clock (everybody complaint about the hot and humid now especially Russian and Korean who live in no-humid climate). I watched sun that almost set. It is a beautiful view.

After my sense came back on my head (well not really came back, but at least, I can think better). I drove my self home, I met my father on the way home. My hopeless and helpless touched my heart again... sometimes, I think I had had enough of this that i can run away and do something to work everything to a greater good... but why he like to make things difficult? I just wanna help? Is it wrong to help my parents? the reason I got in my head is that my father loves me so much to lose me... I love you too ayah but you don't have to be difficult and absurd(not really absurd actually).

No comments: